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A ‘Unicorn’s’ Guide to Threesomes: What You Need to Know as a Single Bisexual Woman When Having a Threesome with a Couple

What is a unicorn?

 

bisexual woman in threesomeIf you are a single person looking to have a threesome, it is important to know how to navigate the terrain, particularly if you are a single bisexual woman, as then you are what is often referred to as a ‘unicorn’. ‘Unicorns’ are rare. A ‘unicorn’ is usually a single bisexual woman who is happy to engage in threesomes. Unicorns are looked for by a couple consisting of a man and a bisexual woman wanting a threesome, who together are known as ‘unicorn hunters’. This can be used as a derogatory term and usually used by the single person who is sceptical of the intentions of the so-called ‘unicorn hunters’, or used by people who know that unicorn and want to warn her. This is because often the idea of the threesome with a sexy, young, bisexual woman is only founded in the couple’s fantasy of a sexual experience, almost hunting down the third party as sexual prey, rather than getting to know the third party and work out what she wants and what her fears or concerns might be. Not all couples seeking a third to join their threesome are ‘unicorn hunters’ and not all couples are only interested in the sexual side to their connections with a third. So here is a guide to help you navigate the threesome terrain if you are ever suspect you are being hunted down by some ‘unicorn hunters’! Look out!

 

Are they interested in me for one night only?

 

Only you can decide whether or not you will have this discussion with the couple,whether that be before or after the fact. If it is a planned threesome, perhaps if you have met online, it is advisable to arrange to meet the couple beforehand for a coffee and establish what their expectations are. If you meet the couple on a night out, it is best to assume that they are most likely to just want a sexual encounter and then they may never see you again. Before you enter into your first threesome with a couple, it is important to establish what you will be comfortable with. What attracts you to a threesome? What do you want to get out of it (apart from the orgasms!)? Go with your gut feeling about a couple and if something doesn’t feel right, don’t proceed straight away – give yourself time to consider why it is not sitting well with you.

 

Are they going to wine and dine me or do they just want sex?

 

Your guess is as good as mine. This is why you must find out what the couple would like out of the encounter. If it feels awkward you could ask in a jokey way “So are you going to take me out on a date first to woo me or do you want to just go straight in for the kill?!” This should break the ice but also give you an idea of what you are expecting – whether it is purely a sexual encounter or whether there is an element of romance to it.

 

What if one wants to see me again and the other doesn’t?

 

Ah this is the age-old question and one that usually worries the couple more than the singleton, and perhaps quite rightly. After all, it is their relationship that will take the strain if one of them is very keen and the other is not for whatever reason (it might be jealousy, not you being bad in bed, so chill!) The one area that needs careful consideration is that couples who seek out threesomes often do so with the ill-advised agreement that they will definitely not fall in love with the third. But yes, you’ve guessed it, these things happen. We can’t really control who we fall in love with and if this happens to you, then you will have to consider if you feel anything in return and whether you are happy to proceed knowing this couple might break up as a result of you and one member of the couple acting in a certain way towards each other. Secondly, if couples ever mention that they have such an agreement regarding falling in love with other people, this should be a massive red flag for you. This is because even if you are not interested in anything more than casual sex, it represents a dynamic in the couple’s relationship that treats others external to it as being less worthy than the couple themselves, and also as potentially threatening. This suggests that you could be dealing with a couple with control and/or jealousy issues or a couple who are potentially selfish, so do be careful and trust your gut.

 

How can I make sure my voice is heard when there is only one of me and two of them?

 

unicorn in threesomeThis is harder than it sounds, but try to make sure you are respected and that your viewpoint is taken seriously by being firm and sticking up for yourself.This is why it is always a good idea to have that talk beforehand to make sure you are not getting yourself into a situation that you are uncomfortable with.

Work out what your boundaries are and what any hard or soft limits are for your threesome experience. Hard limits are absolute no-nos. Things that you not only would never want, but that you actively avoid. Make clear what these are from the start. Soft limits are activities that you are willing to participate in but only under certain conditions, for example, penetrative sex but only when a condom is used, or spanking but only with hands and not with any objects. Communicate where the limits lie and if these boundaries are pushed, you are quite within your right to say no and/or stop.

Overall, although it may not feel like it with couples, you have as many rights and you are just as much a third of the set up as each individual in the couple. If those within the couple start to use a couple’s privilege, call them out on it and make sure you stick up for yourself!

Play safe and good luck, unicorns!

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